- If your child has a difficult time making direct eye contact with people, simply have them look for the color of the person’s eyes with whom they are interacting.
- When driving to grocery store, post office, etc., suggest to your child that they just say hello as they are looking for the color of the person’s eyes. If they do say hello while giving eye contact, simply tell them as you walk back to the car “That was very nice. I’m sure you made her day. Doesn’t that feel great to have that ability to change someones day.” If they don’t make eye contact and say hello just say “I know you can do it, we will practice with the people we meet tomorrow.” That’s it! No dissertations or lectures, just short and sweet verbal cues.
- Once you have the eye contact and the hellos down, prompt them to respond with “Fine, thank you” when someone says “How are you?” Again no lectures as you are walking into the Doctor’s office, paint store, library, etc. Just give a short verbal cue. It goes like this: “When they ask you, ‘How are you?’ Remember to say ‘Fine, thank you.'” The world will reward your child for such a small effort toward being socially interactive. People are floored when a child takes the time to show respect with a verbal “Fine, thank you.” They will go on and on about what great manners your child has. Even though that’s a GREAT reinforcement, the best thing is that your child is learning to be socially CONFIDENT and RESPECTFUL.
- If having your child chew with their mouth closed seems to be an on going battle — make a pack with yourself to comment at least 3 times during dinner or lunch “Wow, that’s great the way you are chewing with your mouth closed, or I can tell you are getting older as you are chewing with your mouth closed more frequently, or that helps so much with digestion when you chew with your mouth closed. GREAT JOB!” After about 7 days of positive verbal cues the habit will be set.
- When it’s bed time and there are no cell phones, door bells, or daily tasks pulling you all over the place and you are doing your bed time rituals, try to tell your child the way you saw them shine. “That was great today when you said hello to Mrs. Dixon. I really appreciate you helping bring in and put away the groceries. I appreciate you having nice table manners. I saw your little sister trying to chew with her mouth closed, because she was watching you.” And just like that skills are being learned and set in stone to help your child navigate the nuances of their social world.
My next Children’s Manners Class is coming up this Sunday, May 2nd. Register for the Tampa Children’s Manners Class Dine Like a Diplomat on Sunday, May 2nd from 2:00 – 5:00 pm at the Capital Grille.
