Thirty years ago social etiquette rules were about placing the spoons and knives in the correct order on the table for a gathering, or making sure that you drank your tea with your pinkie finger in the air.
Over the years, social etiquette rules have developed to ensure the smooth function and pleasure of people gathering together. These rules should matter to you because they are the core of correctly functioning in the work place, building friendships and fitting in. Those with poor social etiquette skills can create awkward moments while interacting with others. Social etiquette helps make the world a better place. Even children need it in their lives for the same reasons.
There are two main qualities that stem from social etiquette: respect and empathy. For instance, if you bump into a stranger, be sure to apologize, using empathy; introducing friends to one another at gatherings so that they are not left alone shows both respect and empathy.
Specific guidance and tips can help you in a variety of situations – from meeting people, to using proper etiquette in both business situations and public.
Here is a list of over 50 social etiquette tips and rules that will greatly help you navigate professional and personal social situations –
WHEN MEETING NEW PEOPLE
1. Stand up when you greet someone. This is especially important when meeting someone for the first time. If you are unable to stand at the moment, possibly because you have something in your lap, proper etiquette can also be used by leaning forward towards the person during introduction to show interest.
2. Always hold your drink or food plate in your left hand so that your right hand is available for solid, snug and confident handshakes.
3. Be sure to introduce people to each other if they have not already met. If you bring a friend to a social gathering, leaving them standing awkwardly in the corner of the room alone is never polite.
4. When you are being introduced to new people, be sure to listen carefully to their names. If you do happen to forget the name later on, be courteous by apologizing and saying, “Please share your name with me again. It’s right on the tip of my tongue.” Never ever say, “I forgot your name”, as that leaves the impression that you are forgetful and it also makes the other person feel that they were not memorable.
5. During self introductions, make sure to share your name first rather than asking for their name. People will often share their name as soon as you say yours.
6. Make sure to keep eye contact during a group introduction. If you look away while meeting a new group of people, it tells them that you would rather be someplace else. Looking each person in the eye gives them a warm feeling that you are truly interested in getting to know them.
CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE
7. Be gracious during an embarrassing situation. Graciousness is the art of being kind and gentle towards others. If someone trips or spills something at a social gathering, one way to make them feel better is to say, “I hope that you are okay. It seems like I always spill my food too, when I use these small party plates.” Graciousness is something that everyone appreciates and will make you a life-saver for those you’ve helped.
8. Don’t hog the conversation and be sure to let people finish what they have to say. This is standard conversation etiquette following the important ‘do not interrupt’ rule.
9. When talking in a group make it a personal point to speak to everyone, not just the person that you are trying to impress. This also means that you need to make the topic of conversation suitable to all involved and not just something that you may be interested in.
10. Fight the urge to participate in gossip or criticism towards others, even when other people are. Try to steer the conversation away from gossip but talking about something positive. If the ‘trash talk’ continues, just leave that group and find others to talk to. Try chanting to yourself, #GossipMakesYouUgly
11. Do not invade the personal space of others. It is a proven fact that people prefer a distance of at least 60 cm from conversational partners in order to feel that their space is respectfully kept. Even a compliment or kind word said too closely can be found offensive.
EVERYDAY CIRCUMSTANCES
Here are a few social etiquette tips and ideas to help you blend-in while out in public throughout the year.
12. Use your ‘inside voice’. People can be immediately turned off when spoken to with a loud voice. Be sure, even when in loud public places, to use a quiet voice when speaking with others. Be mindful when talking on your phone in public places. Most people tend to unknowingly talk louder when they are on the phone.
13. Try not to use profanity. It may be your choice to use explicit words at home, but while in public, a rated-PG vocabulary is a must. There are many different options to four-letter words that can be said while out and about. Never use profanity on social media, as it tarnishes your brand and also the brand of your corporation, community and colleagues.
14. Always hold doors open for others. Even if you are in a hurry, it is not only proper etiquette, but just common courtesy to hold the door for those behind you. Also remember to say ‘thank you’, if someone holds a door open for you too. Appreciation takes no time and shows that person that you liked their gesture.
15. Remember the proper elevator rules. Always hold the elevator door open for someone if they are trying to make it before the door closes. If it is a time when the elevator is crowded and passengers have been delayed several times for others, respect the other passengers by not delaying them any further. If you are the unlucky recipient and miss an elevator because of crowding, just stand back and let passengers know that it is okay for them to leave without you. Other elevator etiquette rules to follow include moving to the back to allow more people in, keeping chatting to a minimum and always avoid disturbances like phone calls or loud headphone music.
16. Walk on the right-side at shopping areas, and while on escalators and sidewalks. Remember to move over for others if you are slow. Unfortunately many people do not follow this rule, so the proper way to handle a busy area is just to learn to weave and dodge out of everyone’s way. Try to keep your purse and other objects that you are carrying close to you and always apologize if you bump into someone.
17. Always give service staff and others that you talk to your full attention. This means removing your headphones and ending all cell phone calls when ordering a meal or paying for items. It is not only rude but also frustrating for others to try to serve or talk to you while you are in the middle of a different conversation with someone else.
18. Always leave the group or the room to answer a phone call and try to keep the conversation as short as possible. This rule is important because people nearby deserve more attention than those who are currently distant, unless an emergency situation occurs.
SOCIAL BUSINESS ETIQUETTE RULES
Every business can be filled with bad etiquette, whether it’s dealing with loud colleagues or office gossip. Using both good social skills and proper business etiquette, you can help create a better work environment. The same rules of everyday etiquette apply to social business etiquette with a few extra tips specific to what you may encounter in the workplace.
19. Even if you are not a morning person, greeting fellow colleagues when you see them for the first time in the day is a must. Small talk is unnecessary and sometimes frowned upon during early morning hours, but so is a cold look or avoidance with eye contact. Offer a warm smile and a ‘good morning’, while walking to your desk each morning.
20. Always respect the space of fellow co-workers. This means that even if they only work inside a cubicle and don’t have an office, you still need to knock before entering their space. This shows them that you respect them and their space in the office.
21. Always stand when your boss or anyone of senior rank comes near your workspace. Also stand when you meet someone new or are greeting someone that you have not seen for a while. This is a sign of respect. There is no need to rise to those colleagues that visit you frequently or you may find yourself constantly standing at your desk and completing no work throughout the day.
22. Unless you are the company’s owner or the key leader for the meeting about to take place, do not sit in the middle seats or at the table’s end in the conference room. These places are for those higher up.
23. Focus on faces. If you are the presenter during a group meeting, always look into people’s eyes to make them feel that you are speaking directly to them. Avoid looking down at items on the table or glancing out the window.
24. Remember to always give praise to co-workers for projects that they have worked hard on. Praise always makes others feel good and also makes you come across as a thoughtful person at the workplace.
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN: TIPS FOR PARENTS AND THOSE WANTING TO HELP CHILDREN
Good public etiquette in children helps them to get along with others, make friends and be appreciated by surrounding adults. This helps families to be able to enjoy public activities together like dinners out and shopping trips without others being horrified by the child’s actions.
25. Children learn by watching their parents. If you expect your child to do something, make sure to check to see if you do it. Be a good role model for them in life. Practice what you preach, like spend time listening to them which in return will teach them to be a good listener.
26. Make sure to have conversations with your child like you do other adults. Through talking you build a relationship and teach the child how to converse with others too.
27. When your child talks to you, ask them to look you in the eyes. Eye contact is key for communication and friendship. Play the eye color game with your child. When out and about, ask your child to tell you the eye color of the cashier, dry cleaner, desk receptionist, mail carrier, etc.
28. Reinforce the two most important words: ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Always use ‘please’ when asking and ‘thank you’ when receiving with children and insist that they use them as well.
29. Correct pronunciation of a word or point out an unsocial habit but never interrupt or embarrass the child in public, as this displays poor social etiquette. Remember to always be a role model.
TABLE MANNERS
Meal time is a way to strengthen and develop relationships, share good times and extend thanks. What is done at the table affects how people nearby perceive you so following simple table manners is key.
30. Decide what you want to order at a restaurant before the waiter returns to your table, making sure that you do not waste their time. Close your menu to signal the server that you are ready
31. When you are invited to someone’s home for a meal, always offer to help with preparations. If the host declines the offer be sure to offer to help in other ways.
32. Place on your plate the amount that you will eat and never more. Make sure that if there are many people at the gathering, that you leave enough for everyone to enjoy the meal.
33. Always eat with your mouth closed and never talk with food in your mouth. If someone asks you a question and you have a full mouth, simply hold your napkin over your mouth and signal to them to give you a minute to finish chewing before you answer.
34. Sit up straight at the table. This is necessary to show others that you are engaged and makes table guests more likely to converse with you. Make sure to move utensils up to your face instead of hunching over to meet them.
35. Worrying about the ‘who pays’ rule. On first dates the person who has done the inviting should pay. Always offer to split the bill if there is confusion. Splitting the bill does not have to be awkward. One person can pay for the meal while the other funds the drinks or the movie tickets later. Just remember to keep cash on hand for your share. Offer to pay for yourself whenever someone wants to pay and if they decline your offer, thank them and leave it at that.
TRANSPORT
Whether you are on the subway, driving with colleagues in a car pool, or hailing a cab, transportation etiquette ensures a smooth ride for you and fellow passengers.
36. Willingly give your seat to an elderly person, disabled person, parent with a young child, and pregnant women. Even if you have had a bad day and are exhausted, offer your seat to a person so that he or she can sit near their group of friends.
37. If there are many seats available, select a seat near no one before sitting next to someone – allowing them to keep their personal space.
38. Keep your purse and other personal belongings off of the seat next to you.
39. Carpooling means consideration for all other passengers. Ask before opening a window and avoid annoying habits like snapping your gum or tapping on the arm rest.
HOW TO KEEP COMPOSURE IN TOUGH SITUATIONS THAT YOU HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF
No matter how prepared you may be, tough circumstances arise all of the time when dealing with other people. Here are a few ways to boost your confidence by helping you know how to deal with situations that may make you squirm.
40. Ask the owner’s permission before petting or talking with their animal. Sometimes actions can distract service dogs, which can be dangerous, distracting them from their duties.
41. When a translator is being used, make sure that you are not looking at the translator when speaking, but look directly toward the person who talks in the foreign language, showing them that you are interested in their conversation.
42. Always address people appropriately with the correct name and title. This goes for Doctors, Professors, Bishops, Judges, Ambassadors and others.
43. Treat everyone with kindness – from the valet, coat check, hostess, waiter and server.
44. Flag rules. Only use a flag that is in good condition and replace it when damaged or discolored. Never hang a flag upside down unless to signal distress.
45. Follow dress codes for invitations. Codes can vary from black tie to white tie, formal and casual. Do not show up for a black tie event in khakis or jeans. The people throwing the gathering made the dress code for a reason.
46. When your house guest is leaving your home be sure to show the guest to the door and stand outside until they are no longer seen. This shows them that you have enjoyed their company and are not in a rush to return to your daily duties.
47. Even if you find yourself in the middle of a bad date, try not to make the other person feel uncomfortable because you are dissatisfied. Treat the person as an individual even when you have no intentions of seeing them again.
48. When someone you know is going through a difficult time, never say, “I know how you feel.” This is condescending and about you. Instead show them that you care by saying, “Please know that I am thinking of you.”
49. Rudeness happens and is all around. Never give the rude person anything to build on like raising your voice or reciprocating rudeness. Know that life can be occasionally spent with difficult people. Try to deal with them the best that you can, and you will manage their rudeness. Make a game of side stepping rude people, and don’t ever let their attitude become part of your persona.
50. Even though you know social rules that others may have forgotten, be careful about being a grouch to those who disobey the rules. Try to be tolerant and friendly. Rudeness is bad etiquette no matter the situation. When you respect the flaws of others, you give them the chance to respect you too.
51. When you hear bad news, a simple “I am thinking of you”, is sufficient. Never try to make them feel better with comments like, “Just be thankful her suffering is over.” This can cause hurt feelings quickly.
52. When a friend calls to share bad news like death or divorce, always lend a listening ear. Never say, “I know just how you feel”. Instead, invest time and write and mail them a note of encouragement. Other ideas are to take them out for coffee, or to plant a tree in memory of the deceased person.
There are so many different ways to use social etiquette in everyday life as well as in the office setting. Will you use these tips and treat others with respect? Will you take the high road only when you gain something like a promotion at work or admiration from onlookers? Remember this, your character is defined by what you do to people who can’t do anything to you.
